Carbonated Milk Leaves Consumers
That’s right, carbonated milk: Mac Farms, of Burlington, Vt.,
is developing a carbonated milk-based beverage in an attempt to create a
healthier alternative to soda, which they sincerely believe will be
embraced by the soda-drinking community.
Mary Ann Clark, vice president of marketing
for Mac Farms, sums up their mission statement: “Everyone knows milk
is good for you. But it’s not cool to drink milk. We’re
going to make it cool.” Sorry Mary, but adding carbon dioxide to
things doesn’t make it cool. Furthermore, anything extracted from the
udder of any type of mammal isn’t going to be able to compete with a
beverage constructed from various random and potentially hazardous
chemicals in a lab. Everyone’s familiar with milk, it’s been around
forever. It’s the drink of the Amish dairy farmer. How could it be
dangerous? Carbonated sodas are far more extreme. Putting strange
chemicals into your body is the “cool” thing these days - That’s
why cocaine is such a hot item.
E-Moo’s flavors include Orange Creamsicle,
Bubble Gum, and Chocolate Raspberry, all of which are fat-free, with low
cholesterol and sodium. Orange Creamsicle? That’s not milk. That’s
not even real. E-Moo isn’t going to be used to quench the
thirst of internet-age children, it’s going to be shaken up by angry
grocery shoppers and hurled at the offices of Mac Farms, covering the
building in a milky film of carbonated foam.