We call this "A Journey into Childhood," but that's pretty inaccurate. We can no longer afford to sit glued to our televisions for hours on end, playing Mega Man Soccer on the hardest difficulty level. We've got things to do. But at the end of the day, when we ought to be working but would rather waste time, it's Castlevania that we turn to.

    Unfortunately for children of the NES generation, not all games were as perfectly crafted as Castlevania. Why's the divorce rate higher right now than ever? Excellent question - Have you ever played Mario? We're all looking for our Princess Toadstool, and we'll never find her. In fact, most of society's vices can be attributed to Nintedo. We'll present you with the evidence, you draw your own conclusions:

Dan's Reviews - Page One

    Contains:

Nuts and Milk - Not the porn and dairy based game you might expect, but close enough to satisfy you.

Godzilla - Everything you've come to expect from a game based upon the life of a lizard mutated by nuclear radiation.

Rambo - I thought they could never capture Stallone's stellar acting in a game, but they came surprisingly close to producing a similar feeling of frustration through the terrible translation job.

American Gladiators - There gladiators are neither American, nor even human.

Chris's Reviews - Page One

    Contains:

Booby kids - The heartwarming story of a young man in blue, doing things and stuff. I'll be honest, I didn't play it long.

Doughboy - A WWII game the likes of which the world has never seen. Dodge bullets on your way to picking up wrenches.

Elevator Action - A classic spy thriller that defies all stereotypes, in addition to reality.

Fizzical Fighter - Arguably the best RPG of all time, journey into a realm where mimes fight evil scientists and the world is on the brink of collapse.

Jacky Chan - Jacky's girlfriend is kidnapped by demons, and he must fight nature to save her. Based on a true story.

Spelunker 2 - Hot cave crawling action with eye-popping graphics and a cameo appearance by the dark prince himself, Lucifer. Thank you, Broderbund. When aliens come to Earth and judge whether we live or die by our cultural achievements, you will have doomed us all.

Chris's Reviews - Page Two

 Contains:

Princess Tomato and the Salad Kingdom - When vegetables come to life and try to run a successful monarchy, the results are what you might expect.

Destiny of an Emperor - If you're going to go, go out in style.

Mighty Final Fight - The streets claim an innocent girl, and three men go in to save her. Similar to the plots of all other Capcom games.

Deja Vu - I hate this game too much to give it a legitimate description.